How to Care for Your Mental Health When the Holidays Feel Hard
It is easy to lose sight of our mental health and wellbeing during the holidays.
This season of year is often packaged as this picture-perfect time of joy, connection, and festive cheer and to be fair, many of us enjoy much of what the holidays has to offer. But let's be real: even in the best of times, the holidays can bring periods of intense stress, anxiety, depression, and even loneliness depending on our social situations.
The pressure to be happy, the financial squeeze, tricky family dynamics, and even just disrupting our usual routines can take a real toll on our mental health. It is no surprise that the holidays are often followed by us setting resolutions to make changes.
So what is the good news? With a bit of conscious effort, some smart planning, and taking a few steps, you can navigate and enhance your joy during the holidays while effectively protecting your mental health.
These steps will also be helpful to those of you who cannot stand the holidays and are simply looking to keep your sanity during this stretch of the year.
If you find yourself asking, “how can you survive the Christmas season while preserving your mental health?” This guide is for you. In this post, we have packaged (or “gifted” to stay with the holiday puns) practical strategies and insights that you can use to maintain your mental wellness over the festive season and actually get some real joy and peace on earth amidst all the chaos.
Let’s Start with Understanding Why the Holidays Can Be So Tough on Your Mental Health
Before we dive into coping strategies, let's acknowledge the common holiday factors that can severely impact our mental health and overall well-being.
Unrealistic Expectations: The gap between the "perfect holiday" portrayed in media (movies, social posts) and our real-life experiences often leads to feelings of disappointment and inadequacy.
Financial Pressure: The combined cost of gifts, hosting, and travel during the festive season can quickly escalate, becoming a major source of financial anxiety and stress for many people.
Family Dynamics: While holidays are a time for family, gathering can bring together people with complicated histories or unresolved issues, often leading to emotional exhaustion and tension.
Grief and Loss: The celebratory atmosphere of the holidays can amplify the pain of grief and loneliness for those who have lost a loved one, making the absence feel jarring and overwhelming.
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD): The shorter, darker days of winter can trigger or worsen SAD, resulting in symptoms like persistent low mood, fatigue, changes in appetite, and other forms of depression. We recommend checking out our in-depth blog post on SAD if you think this issue might be affecting you.
Overcommitment and Time Pressure: Juggling social events, errands, and all the necessary preparations for the season can easily result in feelings of being completely overwhelmed and overstretched.
Disruption of Routine: Changes to sleep, diet, and exercise routines can negatively affect mood and energy. Furthermore, an increase in alcohol or substance use during this season can negatively effect mental wellness and stress regulation.
Your Playbook for Keeping your Mental Health (i.e. Sanity) Over the Christmas Season
Now that we have highlighted the factors that make this holiday season so challenging, what effective mental health strategies can you use? In our work with clients, we emphasize handling difficult situations and stressors more skillfully rather than resorting to avoidance. Avoidance is a short-term fix that often leads to longer-term, negative consequences. For instance, while you could ignore that troublesome family member or "ghost" your staff holiday party, these avoidance tactics tend to not be sustainable or genuinely helpful.
1. Set Realistic Expectations
Embrace Imperfection: Release the need for a "perfect holiday." Things will go wrong (consider the classic National Lampoon's Christmas - which yes, dates us by using this reference), and that’s "perfectly fine." Focus on creating meaningful moments, not the flawless ones seen in curated posts on Instagram or Tiktok.
Communicate Expectations: Talk openly with family and friends about what you expect and what your boundaries are. This helps prevent misunderstandings and can significantly lighten the pressure. It is sometimes acceptable to say no or only attend the party for a limited duration. Don’t let guilt dictate your choices over the holidays.
Prioritize What Truly Matters: Determine what genuinely brings you joy during the holidays and dedicate your energy there. It's acceptable to decline activities that don't align with your priorities. Quality over quantity, friends!
2. Manage Financial Stress
Create a Budget: Before you begin shopping or planning, set a realistic budget and stick to it. This is an especially easy season to try to keep up with the Joneses, but overspending can result in a hard crash into the New Year.
Get Creative with Gifts: Consider homemade gifts, experiences, or even charitable donations instead of expensive material items. Giving to charity benefits others and improves our mental health by increasing our sense of esteem, gratitude and connection to the community. These effects are likely to be much longer lasting than overspending on material goods.
Focus on Presence, Not Presents: Remind yourself and others that the real spirit of the holidays is about connection and shared experiences, not the monetary cost of gifts.
Shop Early: Avoid the last-minute panic by getting your holiday shopping done well in advance. This also reduces the chance of bursting your budget by avoiding any last minute surprises.
3. Prepare for Family Dynamics
Set Boundaries: Clearly define what you're comfortable with regarding interactions and the amount of time you spend with certain family members. It's okay to limit exposure to people who trigger negative emotions.
Have an Exit Strategy: If a situation starts to feel overwhelming, have an exit strategy ready. Think of a bad blind date, a friend pretending to call you with an emergency, or perhaps something that is less dramatic. For example, this could be taking a break for a walk, finding time for yourself in a quiet room, or simply leaving an event early if you need to.
Focus on the Good: Try to find common ground, highlight the good aspects of your family relationships, and do what you can to avoid politics, painful childhood experiences or sources of contested disagreement among members of the family; though the latter can be especially difficult.
4. Addressing Grief and Loss during the Holiday Season
Acknowledge Your Feelings: It's important to allow yourself to feel sadness, grief, and loneliness. Do not try to push these emotions away; they are proof that love was there, and that’s worth feeling. Trying to meaningfully reflect on the loss is likely to be much more helpful to the grieving process, and much of our grief work with clients is helping them to stop avoiding and be present with their pain while not living in it.
Create New Traditions: If old traditions are too painful, consider starting new ones that either honour your loved one in a different way or simply bring you comfort.
Seek Support: Talk to trusted friends, family members, or a therapist about how you're feeling. Joining a grief support group can also be helpful to find comradery while navigating the hurt.
Allow for Down Time: It's okay to skip some social events if you need time alone to process your emotions. Again, the holidays aren't about overextending yourself to meet others' expectations. Step away when you need to and don’t let others' expectations dictate your choices.
5. Combating Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Maximize Sunlight Exposure: Spend time outdoors during daylight hours, even on cloudy days. Open up blinds and curtains to let in as much natural light as possible.
Consider Light Therapy: A light therapy lamp can mimic natural sunlight and help ease SAD symptoms. Just be sure to talk to a healthcare professional before starting light therapy to make sure it’s the right fit for you.
Stay Active: Adding or maintaining exercise can give a significant boost to your mood and energy levels, a welcome change when the holidays can drain so much out of you.
Maintain a Healthy Diet: Between the feasts and treats, try to focus on nutrient-rich foods. Treat yourself, but overdoing it never feels good.
6. Prioritize Self-Care During the Holidays
Schedule Downtime: Be sure to build in time for relaxation and activities you enjoy, even if it's just 15-30 minutes a day. Circling back to an earlier point, say no to things that won’t fill your cup.
Stay Hydrated: Drink water. Seriously. Go fill up your literal cup and stay hydrated!
Engage in Mindfulness and Being Present: These practices can help you stay in the moment, reduce stress, and improve how you manage your emotions during a chaotic time.
Limit Alcohol and Caffeine: They might seem tempting, but too much of either can actually worsen anxiety, increase the chances of some chaos, and disrupt your sleep.
Connect with Nature: Spending time outdoors has been shown to reduce stress and improve mood. Grab that sled, build that snowman, go make a snow angel!
7. Practice Gratitude
Write it down: Make a note of the things you're thankful for (maybe even share it with someone else). This can help shift your focus to the positive aspects of this time of year.
Express Appreciation: Tell your loved ones how much you appreciate them. That’s one of the greatest gifts to both give and receive.
Volunteer: Helping others can provide a sense of purpose and perspective, which can be especially beneficial during the holidays. It’s important to remember that human connection is an important part of the holidays and is helpful to your mental health and wellness.
Give Yourself the Gift of Mental Health and Wellness this Holiday Season
While we look forward to the holiday season with excitement, we acknowledge that it often presents a unique set of challenges to our mental well-being.
By taking a proactive approach which includes setting realistic expectations, managing financial and family pressures, prioritizing self-care, and knowing when to seek professional help, you can enjoy a holly jolly holiday season.
Remember, your mental health is incredibly important, and it is absolutely okay to prioritize your well-being. We wish you holidays filled with calm, comfort, and everything that brings you joy.
If you are struggling with intense feelings of sadness, anxiety, hopelessness, or if your symptoms are interfering with your daily life, please reach out to a mental health professional. Therapists can offer personalized support and strategies to help you navigate these challenges throughout the year, not just during the holidays.
For those in Alberta, our skilled team of Calgary psychologists and therapists are here to help. Don’t hesitate to reach out for a free consultation.
